The Pathway of Roses

There is abundance of hope in the world, but what we need is more faith. Everybody is hoping for better things; the poor hope to get rich, the sick hope to get well, the sad hope to gain happiness, the troubled hope to find peace, everybody is hoping for something.

When we are in bondage, or keenly realize our bondage, we hope that great deliverer will come; we pray that he may come, we hope that our our prayers will be answered and we are so absorbed in our hopes that we fail to hear him knocking the door even now.

To have hope is to face the door, but hope stands still; it never moves toward the door. To live in the hope is simply to face the great goal, but we may continue to face that great gaol for ages, and never move forward a step. To live in hope is to die in despair, because remains stationary, it never gain what it hope to gain.

But when faith begins, we remain stationary no more. We press on directly and with power toward the coveted, our hope are soon realized; our desire are granted; what we wish for for is withheld no more, through faith we have entered that world where every prayer is answer and every wish made true.
Christain D. Larson

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10 Signs of Cognitive Distortion

Picture: Internet
Picture: Internet

Almost everyone used to face or is facing the depression. It is hidden. It manipulates the ways that we see things. Dr. David said in his books titled Feeling Good: the new mood therapy, published in 1980 said that depression could kill you. The  rate of committing suicide caused by depression are at at concerning level. According to website suicide.org stated that a million people die by suicide every year and the suicide rate is 16 per 100000 population. Here are 10 signs of depression:

ALL-or Nothing Thinking: You see thing the black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself of total failure.

OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negatives even as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

MENTAL FAILURE: You pick a sing negative detail and dwell on it exclusively you that your vision of all reality become darkened like a drop of ink that colors the beaker of water.

DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting that they don’t count for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain negative believe that is contradicted your everyday experiences.

JUMP INTO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation; even though, there is no definite fact that convincingly support your conclusion.

EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the ways things really are.

MAGNIFICATION: You exaggerate the important of things or your inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny.

SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punish before you could be expected to do anythings. The emotional consequences is quilt. When you direct should statement toward others, you feel frustration, anger and resentment.

LABELING AND MISLEADING: This is the extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself.

PROFESSIONALIZATION:  You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact your are not primarily responsible for this.

Depression is preventable!

For the next article, I am going to write the solutions, and how to rate at your depression level.

I would suggest two books that I’ve read so far, Stop worrying and start living and Feeling good: the new mood therapy. If you have no one to consult with, they are your best mates that could give you a lot advice and tips to deal with depression and worries mood.

Burns.D. 1980. Feeling good. the new mood therapy.United State of America

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QUIET: When should act more extroverted than who you really are?

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I’ve skipped two parts of this book: Your Biology and Your Self? And Do All Cultures has Extrovert Idea? It is not strange that I skipped to part four. I’ll tell you what part four is talking about. But Firstly, I would like to acknowledge the author of this book Susan Cain who has spent years to work on this book. Quiet became the Sunday Times Bestseller and New York Time Bestseller. It was translated into over thirty languages. I wish this book was translated into Khmer language too.

“How to work and How to Love” is the title of part four. You may know why I skipped two parts of this to this part. One more thing, this part is somehow related to me. But this part distinguishes into many different sectors. I pick up only one section to write a review. And I am going to write about “When should act more extroverted than who you really are?”.

“When should you act more extroverted than who you really are?” author explains by raising case studies of two well-known figures Prof. Brian Little, former Harvard University psychology professor and Alex, a social adept head of financial services company. Professor Little was described as comedian. He always make joke to please his audiences. While in the class, his students described him as a standing ovation.

Alex is the one who described himself as mentally shy and sweet kid.

Both Prof. Little and Alex is a pretend-extroversion guy. They were wearing a mask of extrovert in public. What described them is completely different when we are going in depth into their personal life. Prof. Little lives with his wife in the remote area in Canada. He always spends his free time scoring the music, reading and writing books and emailing to his friends. Alex said he could literally go years without any friends except his kids and wife. He thought he was the same person who he was always was. He is massively shy, but compensate for it.

The questions were raised. How do they overcome the crowd and how they can cheer the public as if they are the extroverts? How can they lead the crowd? These are the surprised questions that audiences want to know how the introverts integrate themselves into the crowd while the characteristic is always quiets, shy and unsocialized.

The “Free Trait Theory” was developed to answer to these questions.

According to the theory people are born and culturally endowed with certain personality traits, but we can do out of character in the service of “core personal projects”. In other words, introverts are capable to act like extroverts for the sake of work they consider they are important, people they love, and many thing they highly value.

The free trait theory was applied to many different contexts, but specifically applicable to the introverts living under extroverts ideal.

Prof. Little was quoted as saying that “our life are dramatically enhanced when we are involved in core personal projects that we consider meaningful, manageable and not unduly stressful and that are supported by others.”

Reaching to this point you may be doubtful how can you identify your “core personal projects” that could lead you to act out of  your character? In order to find the answer you have to answer to these three questions. First of all, think back to what you do love to do when you are a child? Secondly, paying attention to the works that you gravitate to? And thirdly, pay attention to what you envy.

After answering these three questions, as an introvert you will find out what is your core personal projects that could lead to act as if you are the extroverts.

Authors explains that even when introverts could find their personal projects, they do not want to act it too much or too long. However, there is a solution for introverts who standout of character for so long. For instance, like Prof. Little who is an expert of pretending-extrovert always make a restroom in between his speech. It is the best to stay true to self. This call “Restorative Niche”. This term is referring to place where you go when you want to return to your true self. It can be a physical or mental places where you can find your true self. Why do the introverts need “Restorative Niche”? The answer is very short. While the introverts act out of character for so long it could be hazardous to their life psychologist said. The “Restorative Niche” is the best where introverts could find their true self while they are faking for so long.

That is it! However, I am one among the introverts. I think this article at least help you to explore yourself more. Being an introverts does not mean, you are a negative person. It is your character that you are always quiet. As long as you could figure out the core personal projects you will know who/what is worth to fight for.

Go to the book “Quiet” for more details.